Testimony: Worrying While Waiting
I have a confession. No lesson has ever been so clear to me like the one I learned in March 2015 this year. Stop being Anxious! My short testimony will reveal what has plagued the past 10 months of my life. I recently shared the amazing news that this fall I will be moving from Texas to Albany, NY to pursue a Masters Degree in Accountancy. With the announcement came many congratulations and joyous moments with friends. It sounds ridiculous, now, to admit that for 5 months, I let doubt, worry and fear of the unknown engulf me.
During fall 2014, I continued my Undergraduate major in Accounting at University of Houston with plans to attend UH again for my Masters, but weeks into the fall semester, I began exploring other options.
I prayed about it an researched schools on the east coast, all without sharing with anyone my plans. In fact, it was not until 3 months later while waiting on admissions did I tell the first person I had submitted an application. Here are some reasons why my decision was outlandish and had me in a state of uncomfortable worry for months.
1. ALTHOUGH I HAD AUTOMATIC ADMISSION TO UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON (ALL I HAD TO DO WAS APPLY), I NEVER SUBMITTED AN APPLICATION.
To do so would go against what I felt God has placed on my heart to trust him fully and be all in with a new path; plus it saved me $75 dollars.
2. SUNY UNIVERSITY AT ALBANY WAS THE ONLY SCHOOL I APPLIED TO.
Yes. I am serious. Back in 2010 I was that high school senior who applied to 7 schools for undergrad, so this was no normal nor easy feat to only submit to one school. “What if they rejected me just a few months before my graduation and I have to fall back and apply to UH late…What if I want to apply but the deadline already lapsed” These thoughts plagued me. November 2014 through March 2015 was filled with many restless nights.
3. GRADUATE SCHOOL IS EXPENSIVE AND I HAD NO WAY OF PAYING FOR IT , WHETHER I HAD CHOSE UH OR UALBANY.
This is where I began to see God through my waiting so clear. As an EY (Ernst& Young) Intern candidate, I was sent an email in December about the EY Scholars program. It provides opportunities for minorities and underrepresented groups of people to attend Graduate School with ease because EY covers the cost of tuition and fees.
I wrote my essays, sent in my application and waited. Looking back, I can see the odds were not in my favour but for some reason, God, I felt peace and confidence that paying for School would not be an issue. Honestly, this was the only area of peace regarding Grad school I had for months. By the Grace of God I received a phone call in February that I was a finalist (About 50 students were selected nationwide). I was told all that was needed is my admissions letter to make the decision final.
Over the next few weeks I hounded the school for a response date; anxiety was on level 10. How embarrassing it would be to receive a rejection letter, then crawl back to EY to explain how I had not applied anywhere else. For those two weeks of waiting, this was my biggest fear.
Then, on March 23rd I received the good news that had me sitting in the restroom stall at my job crying for 25 minutes. After texting my brother and feeling his hand hold me from 1500 miles away, I read the words stating I was accepted. Within an hour I made the calls necessary and was told that my Tuition and Fees are covered.
IN ONE MONTH
I make the move to start a new chapter in my life. It is daunting, but exciting! Anxiety was unnecessary, Worry was draining but I indulged and sometimes still find myself indulging in it. It is sin.
One quote that resonates from this experience is from Crazy Love- by Francis Chan
But then there’s that perplexing command: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Phil 4:4). You’ll notice that it doesn’t end with “…unless you’re doing something extremely important.” No, It’s a command for all of us, and it follows with the charge, “Do not be anxious about anything” (v.6).
That came as a pretty staggering realization. But what I realized next was even more staggering.
When I am consumed by my problems- stressing out about my life, my family, and my job- I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a “right” to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.
The realization that I was not trusting God was not enough for me to let go of anxiety. I so desperately wanted to, but logic and thoughts held me back. I can not blame God , because he has proven himself capable time and time again. Now I can see that by stressing I did nothing but give myself unnecessary headaches.
WHAT AREAS IN YOUR LIFE ARE YOU CONTINUALLY ANXIOUS ABOUT? WHY ARE YOU LETTING WORRY CONSUME YOU?
I Hope sharing my story encourages you to let go and let God!